The Politics of the United States of America, Seen Through the Eyes of Martians

I’m being silly, however for those who’ll excuse me, I’d like to enter the world of creativeness for some time. Not “that” kind of fantasy, however moderately trying on the world by the eyes of a Martian.

Imagine that we’re explorers from Mars who’ve been despatched to Washington, D.C. within the yr 2023, disguised as people.

What sorts of conclusions would possibly we attain about American politics if we have been to method the subject with a clean slate, understanding just about nothing concerning the political system?

It can be immediately clear to us that there are ostensible “two sides” to the argument, the veracity of which is as much as dialogue, and that these “sides” are symbolized by completely different colours and animals: both pink or blue, an elephant or a donkey.

There are additionally a number of fringe teams who violently disagree with each the reds and the blues. These sects are ostracized because of the lunacy of their philosophical beliefs.

Therefore, these are the 2 viable selections to contemplate. In all honesty, third or fourth candidates usually are not permitted to run for workplace. Either they’ve “no chance of winning” or there’s a fear that the third get together will draw votes away from candidates who’re seen to be “genuine.”

It would appear that the pink and the blue genuinely despise each other, however in actuality, they’re simply two sides of the identical coin. They are continually in line to maintain out the periphery, and because of this, they share some related pursuits.

After then, a flip for the higher could also be anticipated…

They share an adversary that’s arguably extra formidable: the media. It is commonly believed that the media stories on the actions of each events with the intention to get extra promoting income.

“The Media” asserts that it’s goal, but this isn’t the case in actuality. They are trustworthy to whoever is in authority in addition to to the proprietor of the information group.

What makes this discovery much more thrilling for us explorers is the conclusion that the 2 opposing factions share many extra adversaries.

Prostitutes. Recently, Louisiana Senator David Vitters, who pays an terrible lot of lip consideration to abstinence-only intercourse schooling, was named as a buyer by each the DC madam and the Canal Street Madam. Vitters offers an terrible lot of lip service to the concept solely abstinence is appropriate in sexual schooling.

younger males of any age. Uh oh. After it got here to gentle that US Representative Mark Foley had a little bit of a style for Congressional pages, he went from being a warrior towards little one abuse and exploitation to grow to be a toddler abuser and exploiter.

Women. To be extra particular, wanton girls. At one cut-off date, the girl was seen sporting a blue outfit. He cherished cigars. . . . At least Bill Clinton had the nice judgment to confirm that the girl was above the age of consent earlier than having sexual relations along with her.

Other notable adversaries embody the next:

Homosexuality is stored hidden. In latest occasions, this downside has been affecting a major variety of people. The case of Larry Craig and the incident with the foot tapping additionally involves thoughts (“misunderstanding”). And Jim McGreevey, the Democratic candidate for governor of New Jersey. At least he’s not locked up anymore within the storage room.

Extramarital affairs. The listing is much too in depth. And to be actually trustworthy, does anyone truly care about this downside any longer?

Women who don’t need to have their privates grabbed (CA Gov. Terminator).

There are a plethora of extra adversaries. Marion Barry’s crack cocaine, voting fraud, and so forth and so forth and so forth. In level of truth, voter fraud solely presents a difficulty for the candidate who in the end comes out on the dropping finish of the election.

They appear to need to create all the foundations after which violate them, no matter whether or not they’re blue, pink, elephants, or donkeys.

Due to the character of our research as Martian anthropologists, we’re pressured to the conclusion that potential political candidates are required to have both a historical past of perversion or a felony file.

We’d even have to come back to the conclusion that the common particular person, those who vote (or don’t vote), has such a restricted consideration span that it doesn’t truly make that a lot of a distinction within the grand scheme of issues. It’s soccer season, there’s a brand new season of “The Biggest Loser,” and it’s nearly time for the youngsters to return to high school, which implies they want new baggage. And earlier than you already know it, it’s that point of yr once more: the vacations.

Taking a bit tour into this itty-bitty dream realm would possibly present us with new insights occasionally. It’s all about the way you body it. Taking a recent have a look at every little thing in life.

Try it out with each your life and your capacity to persuade others. See the way it goes. Share your ideas with others, and be at liberty to share them with me right here on my weblog. Start a dialog, after which invite your loved ones, neighbors, and coworkers to affix you right here for the dialog. The Lord understands that each every so often we have to take a breather from the madness that surrounds us and have a rational dialog with each other about what we see.

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